


Aragorn's In-Box

by Gonzai



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Anachronistic, Multi, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gonzai/pseuds/Gonzai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wondered what kind of e-mails Aragorn receives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aragorn's In-Box

**Author's Note:**

> It occurred to me that Aragorn's e-mail would be...interesting. I believe the well-appointed Ranger would be carrying a tablet these days. He travels light when hunting orc.

TO: Aragorn@lastminuterangers.com

FROM: GandalfGreyhame@istarirus.org

SUBJ: The Ringbearer

I do hate to trouble you, but this is a matter of great importance! Please make haste to Bree and pick up - I mean, meet - the Ringbearer at the Prancing Pony and escort him to Rivendell. I have been...delayed.

***

TO: Strider@nyrangers.com

FROM: bbutterbur@prancingpony.com

SUBJ: Room occupancy

Now I don't mean to be inhospitable, being as you are quite the regular customer and all, but your registration for September 29, 3018 clearly states the room was for one occupant only. I am informed you in fact had four hobbits staying with you. Your personal taste is none of my business of course, and I'd be willing to count each hobbit as half, but at the very least I believe you owe me for an additional two occupants of the room. Please send two coins to my attention, soonest. 

***

TO: Longshanks@texasrangers.com

FROM: SamwiseGamgee@BagshotRowGardenersUnion.org

SUBJ: Where are we going?

I don't trust you! Not at all! Not one bit! I don't care if Frodo likes you, you seem more than foul enough to me! Dragging us through marshes and letting that elf have Frodo...oh, when I tell my Gaffer about this...

***

TO: Estel@elvishmengonewild.com

FROM: aaoivlkpfilkaj@junkmail.com

SUBJECT: ADD 2-3 INCHES OVERNIGHT! DRIVE SHE-ELVES WILD!

***

TO: Aragorn@swordfightersltd.net

FROM: RingwraithNo3@Mordorsshadow.org

SUBJ: Take it easy!

Hey! Watch it with the flames already. I agreed I'd let you look good for your little hobbit pals, but that hurt! No more fire, that's it. And you owe me extra for the burn cream.

***

TO: Elessar@FutureKingsofGondor.org

FROM: Arwen@Evenstardistributors.net

SUBJ: I'm telling Daddy

I saw you with those hobbits! I'm telling my father! All those sweet words, and all this time, you've been cheating on me...with halflings!

I'll rescue the Ringbearer from the Ringwraiths, but only because * Mithrandir * thinks it's important. If I had my way, I'd leave you and your little furry boyfriends out there for the Nazgul!

***

TO: Dunédain@elvenmen.com

FROM: LordElrond@MrSmith.net

SUBJ: 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

You already know perfectly well how I feel about your dating my beloved, * only * daughter, and now I am told you not only are you stepping out on her...but with HOBBITS? Have you no shame whatsoever? If you ever so much as glance at another hobbit, or any other creature, I'll thin your Numenorean blood!

***

TO: SonofArathorn@scruffiness.net

FROM: Legolas@impossiblyperfecthair.com

SUBJ: Can this be true?

I have heard tales, many tales, of you and hobbits. Please tell me this is false? Were all my meaningful glances nothing to you? 

***

TO: Estel@Rivendellrefugees.org

FROM: editor-kjh@hotmail.com

SUBJ: Earn your diploma without ever attending a class!

***

TO: Thorongil@mysterymen.org

FROM: boromir@stewardsofgondor.org

SUBJ: Let's Get One Thing Straight

I don't care whose heir you are! I am the heir to the stewardship of Gondor, I'm the one who lives there, I'm the one who will be in charge there, I don't see any crown on your head yet, and until then it's my kingdom, got it? Mine! And the younger hobbits are mine too! (Be my guest with Frodo)

***

TO: Boromir (boromir@stewardsofgondor.org); Elrond (LordElrond@MrSmith.net); Samwise Gamgee (SamwiseGamgee@BagshotRowGardenersUnion.org); Gandalf (GandalfGreyhame@istarirus.org); Barliman (bbutterbur@prancingpony.com); Generic Nazgul (RingwraithNo3@Mordorsshadow.org); Arwen (Arwen@Evenstardistributors.net); Legolas (Legolas@impossiblyperfecthair.com)

FROM: Aragorn@sonofarathorn.net

SUBJ: These Stupid Rumors

Let's get one thing straight here, shall we? I AM NOT DATING ANY HOBBIT. Sheesh, people, I have a destiny to fulfill! I was meant to escort the Ringbearer to Mordor and that's it! Nothing else. NOTHING. I don't even like hairy little men! Have you seen my girlfriend? (Sorry my darling chipmunk cheeks, btw, love the lavender gown, have I told you you're beautiful?) Why would I mess around with a hobbit? There is absolutely nothing going on, except the task that was given me by the Council, to protect the Ringbearer. Some people just have to spread rumors. Unbelievable...

***

TO: Aragorn@heroesinajiffy.com

FROM: Frodo@themeyes.com

SUBJ: Re: These Stupid Rumors

But...you told me you'd go with me into the very depths of Mordor! Do you mean to tell me our whole time together was a lie? Be that way then. I'm telling Sam. He'll understand.


End file.
